Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah to those celebrating—whether religiously, commercially, or just because your Spotify algorithm got you singing along to Last Christmas. Happy Holidays to everyone else, and of course, Happy New Year!
This is my first Substack post, and I’m not sure if I’ll figure out my “brand” or stay “on-brand” over time—but we’ll find out together. I’m a comedian, but I’m also many other things, and my worlds often collide. In most situations, I observe the world from several views at once with my comic gaze, my left-leaning gaze and my middle-aged white woman gaze. And sometimes I write about it. Recently my worlds collided when I heard someone say (paraphrased but accurately):
We celebrate Christmas here and sorry if this offends anyone but I’m going to wish you a Merry Christmas.
The sentiment lost its charm somewhere between “We” and “anyone”.
Something as simple as “Merry Christmas” became a dog whistle. It was the rehashing of a culture war issue that the right-wing made up. They decided that by wishing someone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas, they were being offensive, whether they knew this fact or not. Usually, people don’t tend to label themselves as celebrants or not though you will see the occasional cross around someone’s neck. That may mean they are Christian or that they like crosses. Or maybe they just love Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” or Lil Wayne or fashion. People said they couldn’t say “Merry Christmas” anymore. Then, they said there was a “War on Christmas”.
The “War on Christmas” is entirely fabricated. Real wars are happening in the world right now, and none of them have anything to do with Christmas—or even Christianity.
I’m in the US to celebrate Christmas with my family. We mostly celebrate the non-religious version though some people at the table will be followers of Christ, others continue to wrestle with their spirituality and faith and some will really just want presents.
Sometimes, I say “Happy Holidays”. Sometimes, I say “Merry Christmas”. Sometimes, I awkwardly say “Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah or whatever you celebrate” immediately realizing that it was easier to leave it at “Happy Holidays” or “Merry Christmas”.
The funny thing about this particular culture war is that it is pretty isolated to the US and the UK so when people from elsewhere hear something like what was said at the start of this article, they don’t get it. But after a Google search, they do get it. And they understand more about who said it too.
Generally, the same people who say there is a “War on Christmas” also believe “You can’t say anything anymore” and then go on to say what they can’t say. In comedy, I know this because I spend time listening to comedians do this to get a laugh (and to avoid writing actual material that doesn’t rely on a slur as a punchline). Outside of comedy, people who say this will try to code their language or preface their offensive statement with an insincere apology. The insincerity comes in the fact that they know what they are saying is offensive because before they say it they acknowledge that fact, and then they still say it.
In the UK, 45% of the population identifies as Christian, while 37% identify as non-religious. So, when you say “Merry Christmas”, you’re spot on when addressing 8 out of 10 people. In the US, that number jumps to 9 out of 10 people. The other 10-20% don’t celebrate Christmas, at least religiously, but most of them don’t care that you wish them a nice 25th of December. Look at all the non-Christians doing just that when they say “Merry Christmas”!
The “War on Christmas” is not real—and pretending it is trivializes the gravity of actual wars. War is real. War results in death: over 43,000 people have died in Ukraine since the most recent conflict began, and over 46,000 have died in the Israel-Gaza war, with more than 44,000 from Gaza. If we want to contribute positively to the world, let’s wish others well without making it political.
I’m off to track Santa again. The NORAD Santa Tracker is one of my favorite things to check in on, on Christmas Eve.
Merry Christmas!